Well, I took me a woman late last night

I's three-fourths drunk she looked all right

'Til she started peelin' off her onion gook

She took off her wig, said, "How do I look"?

I's high flyin', bare naked... Out the window

Well, sometimes I might get drunk

Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk

Don't hurt me none, don't hurt my pride

'Cause I got my little lady right by my side

(She's a tryin' a hide pretendin'

She don't know me)

I's out there paintin' on the old wood shed

When a can a black paint it fell on my head

I went down to scrub and rub

But I had to sit in back of the tub

(Cost a quarter

Half price)

Well, my telephone rang it would not stop

It's President Kennedy callin' me up

He said, "My friend, Bob, what do we need to make the country grow"?

I said, "My friend, John, "Brigitte Bardot

Anita Ekberg

Sophia Loren"

Country'll grow

Well, I got a woman five feet short

She yells and hollers and screams and snorts

She tickles my nose pats me on the head

Blows me over and kicks me out of bed

(She's a man eater

Meat grinder

Bad loser)

Oh, there ain't no use in me workin' alla time

I got a woman who works herself blind

Works up to her britches, up to her neck

Write me letters and sends me checks

(She's a humdinger

Folk singer)

Late one day in the middle of the week

Eyes were closed I was half asleep

I chased me a woman up the hill

Right in the middle of an air raid drill

(I jumped a fallout shelter

I jumped the string bean

I jumped the TV dinner

I jumped the shot gun)

Now, the man on the stand he wants my vote

He's a-runnin' for office on the ballot note

He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple

Tellin' me he loves all kinds-a people

(He's eatin' bagels

He's eatin' pizza

He's eatin' chitlins)

Oh, set me down on a television floor

I'll flip the channel to number four

Out of the shower comes a football man

With a bottle of oil in his hand

(Greasy kid stuff

What I want to know, Mr. Football Man, is

What do you do about Willy Mays

Martin Luther King

Olatunji)

Well, the funniest woman I ever seen

Was the great-granddaughter of Mr. Clean

She takes about fifteen baths a day

Wants me to grow a moustache on my face

(She's insane)

Well, ask me why I'm drunk alla time

It levels my head and eases my mind

I just walk along and stroll and sing

I see better days and I do better things

(I catch dinosaurs

I make love to Elizabeth Taylor

Catch hell from Richard Burton!)